I often believed that the people who are not afraid to show their feelings are the ones with the bravest souls; perhaps I haven’t told you that for me, you have been the epitome of that belief. I admire your patience, your dedication, and your overall generosity of time and effort to constantly reassure ‘Love’ that you care.
You’re a typical old school, ‘old schools‘ are the ones who portray their affections best; they are genuine and do not ask for anything in return. Your act of service makes you shine the brightest.
Do you know that not a lot of people can do what you do nowadays? As I’ve always said, the kindness and fondness of your peers are reflections of how you treat them. This is how you act towards life; hence this is what life gives you back.
As you met ‘Love‘ many – moons ago, you told me that ‘Love’ was not your type; we were even laughing about your little silliness, making ourselves amused by the visits and closeness you have with ‘Love.’ Until such a time when ‘Love’ have noticed your good nature and has started to return the fondness you share – although not just with ‘Love’ himself, but also to everyone. I was honestly unsure if whatever you have in between is meant to last; I have ever so kindly spoken my opinion, but you have brushed them off because of – Love 😅.
Stop wasting your time, I said. You didn’t listen until such a time that Love started ignoring you. I told you: He’s not Love; he’s an Infatuation. It’s just an infatuation; it won’t last.
You are only so fond of him because he’s the one who is always around.
Having your network being so small hinders you from getting to know new personalities and traps you in a small circle that you have. Try to go out, get to know other people, and understand what you really want.
Is the connection real? Or is it all in your mind?
Often we were so wrapped up with the idea of a person that we start creating a perfect image of himself in our minds. A reality that doesn’t exist. We daydream of scenarios of what could happen when truthfully, it’s far from what it’s going to be. We often thought their feelings are mutual when truthfully, they are just showing us the kindness we are giving them.
And when they don’t return the favor, when they don’t return the same trust and loyalty, we get so hurt and disappointed. And yet we forgive because we (thought) love.
Is it worth it?
Yet you’re unsure if he is even going to come? Is he worth your late-night sleep? When you had to wait for him after a shift to spending time with him, even if you’d have to wake up at 5 am, early to go to work the next day? Is he worth the countless hours of waiting so you can have dinner together? Is he worth those weekly off days, where instead of taking a rest, you choose to organize yourself to cook for him and clean his quarters?
I’m not pessimistic; I can see you are happy, but then I worry about the bags under your eyes when I see them. I understand the energy you currently have; it must be the kick of serotonin whenever you get the chance to speak to him. I get it.
“He’s kind and very nice,” you said.
No, it’s only because you are looking after him. Nice is mediocre, and kindness is only hard to give to people you don’t benefit from. It’s all because of you; what he does to you is only a reflection of how you treat him. Try to be unavailable one day, try to be difficult, try to be someone you’re not, and see if he’ll put the effort in discovering what’s making you unreasonable, see if he would do to you what you would have done.
Being in a relationship isn’t particularly easy; it includes a lot of hard work and consistency, on both – not just one. The question is, are you even in a relationship? If not, then why? And when we get hurt, we get tired, and we lose our capability to trust again. So why waste your time and effort on someone you are not even sure about?
Think about all the things that you can do; think of all the loving emotions and dedication you are capable of giving. You are a QUEEN. Know your worth. Love takes time; you’ll know when it’s there.
You are a Queen. Know your worth.